Yes, putting my thumb up your arse during sex is completely necessary.

My Hamster.

Probably. However gratuatis arse kissing may result in additional fundage reaching your bank balance.

So c'mon you slags, lick my rim (Verbally)

I dont know why but everytime i see this photo I cant help but laugh. I think the main reason is the expressions involved:

The fat girls face is monstrous and she is lurching like a cheap joke from the Addams Family. Then theres the queer lad, his expression is priceless and you cant help but wonder just what sort of a pose he was going for before his balls were booted through his brains.

And is the girl in the background a lepper? Although i must admit her face seemed quite striking at an initial glance.

Im a sailor, still young so im not exactly a Salty ol' Seadog, but ive had enough exploits resulting in this compilation.

Singa-Singa-Singapore
It was our first night in Sembawang Drydock, Singapore. I went ashore with a Muslim cadet from Brunei and figured it would be funny to take him to Singapores premium whoring establishments: thee aptly named 4 floors of whores.

In the uppermost level is a bar called "crazy horse" (guess how they prenounce it) which, in previous exploits was typically packed full of, well, crazy whores (makes for a good laugh when a midget pulls a mobile phone out her twat).

We went in and straight to the bar to get the whiskeys in, when in the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of a "woman" who i instantly distinguished was a ladyboy. Sadly he caught me out the corner of his eyes and must have thought "KA-ching". He set upon a collision course with me.

Normally i can blag out of such situations but fear took a hold of me.
"Hi how are you" He uttered in a distinctly nasaly voice.
Paralysed with fear like a rabbit caught in High Beams I couldnt answer
"Whats your name" He parsisted
I regained some composure but wasnt sure quite how to tell this thing to fuck off without actually saying fuckoff
"eh... im Barry" I stutter (Captain Barry is my shoreleave alias)

Things then took a turn for the worse;
He lent forward and kissed each of my cheeks, at his approach I was crippled with fear and disgust. He then placed his hand on my chin and stroked the stump of facial hair I had lazyily been growing during that particular trip. "Must Shave" I kept repeating in my head as his hand then began to wander down my front towards my boabie. He leaned forward to my face, i tried to back away but was pinned against the bar. In his nasally voice he quietly whispered
"........wanna go to my hotel?"
Something inside me snapped....
"GET TAE FUCK YA RADGE BASTARD!" I screamed

He just paused as if trying to detect a hint of humour in my tone. Detecting none he then promptly punched my balls square on, damn near broke me in half the little bastard.

not my proudest moment.

Bangkok Bitches
had been ashore for a few hours and the attention a young white male gets in that place is something of most mens dreams. I was in high spirits but the idea of shagging one of these poor impoverished girls never appealed to me. Seeing all the middle aged perverts strutting their fat arses around with their alarmingly young looking thai wifes in tow probaby helped me get that idea out of mind.

I was spending the shoreleave as I normally do. Straight out the bus to a bar to prolong drinking time. After a few hours and a fairly substantial volume of bev later I was in a bit of a state. As the male prerogative tends to work, upon getting lashed my next order of business swiftly turned to that of a sexual nature.

Quite a lot of girls had come and gone trying to get me to buy them drinks, fuck and consequently marry them. None had particularly appealed to me and I was having good enough banter with the Filipino crew who were more than willing to take the spare girls aside to the nearby 1 hour hotel.

Then out of the crowd came what through my drunken state looked like goddess of some kind. Tall, slender figure, large pert tits. I wanted her bad. She came over and started chatting, her english was surprisingly good and eventually I was persuaded to go to the 1 hour hotel with her for a "massage". I had just paid for the room (about 50 pence for 2 hours) when the Bosun came running over with a huge grin on his face.

Turns out it was a ladyboy; Would I have noticed before during or after the sex is something i dont want to think about too much. I owed that Bosun big time for saving my skin though.

Is it wrong that part of me is disappointed. It would be another set of wings to check off the list. lready got brown, double and gold wings. But the acquisition of these wasnt all that hard (so long as you have an open mind to some fairly fucked up shit). But Ladyboy wings, that has to be something of a rareity right there.

Mo Mo Singapore
Id had my fill of the Singapore sex shows that night, drawing a distinct line when a lady had a canarie fly out her fanny; Although seeing the count Dracula skit where a large African man went down on some woman on the blob probably didnt help any.

I left the 4 floors and proceeded to the taxi rank. When you go to a whore establishment and you are sad enough to want to shag a whore then be fucking sure to ignore all of those girls who are rejected entry. Chances are they either have a penis or aids.

In this night there was a large gathering of some of thee most intimidating ladyboys known to man. One stood at a staggering 6ft 10 or so and i reckon was a power lifter of some desrciption due to his unusually broad and muscular build. The rest of the group were fairly generic "wouldnt consider shagging unless really wasted" shemales, not that I would consider shagging anything by that state because lets face facts. When you are truly wasted you cant raise an intention, let alone an erection.

I was trying to walk to the taxi rank when the giant ladyboy clocked on to my presence and began closing on on me. I made a bold alteration to starboard and past at uncomfortably close quarters with this "thing". Pissed off that I hadnt gone head over heels for the giant queer he uttered in a nasal, oddly feminine but rugged voice;
"Talk to me you Bitch!"
I was taken aback by this and just couldnt resist being a smartarse
"Thats not very ladylike" I uttered in response.

Next thing I know I am sprinting for dear life up Orchard road (one of Singapores main highstreets) with about 6 angry ladyboys intent on biting my balls off. I managed to take refuge in a 5 star hotel whos ushers assumed I was a customer being harrassed.

Sprinting from a horde of ladyboys gave me a kind of fear that nobody ever wishes to experience. MY arse was quite literally on the line.